Make Your Writing Active
Engage your reader. Transform those passive sentences.
Human beings are all story tellers. We tell stories to our family about what happened at work. We share anecdotes about our kids and our pets with coworkers. We pass on stories about our parents and grandparents to children around the Thanksgiving dinner table.
So how is it the fundamental element of fiction writing is to show not tell?
As we write, we naturally fall into the pattern of putting on paper, the story in we see in our heads.
However, by telling the story instead of showing it on the page, we keep the reader on the outside looking in. The writer, as the narrator, conveys information about the characters to the reader. There is a distance between the reader and what’s on the page.
Through active writing however, the author organizes words in such a way that the reader becomes involved in the story. They use their imagination to create their own visuals. They become so engaged they cheer for our characters triumphs and cry for them when they hurt.
Because we are natural story tellers, our first drafts are often written the way we would share the story with a friend.
At this point the only thing that matters is putting words on paper. They flow freely from our head as our fingers fly across the key board. Word counts and word choices are not important. All that matters is to keep the creative juices flowing.
Through rewrites, plots, story arcs, and characters are developed. Scenes and are added and omitted. Cut, paste, and delete are a constant part of that tedious process.
But when all is finally finished and you have a completed piece ready to send off into the big wide world of the reader, take time to carefully go through your story and look for those passive sentences and weak verbs.
The most common way writers tell instead of show their story is through passive writing.
Passive sentence structure. A passive sentence is most easily detected by the use of the word ‘was’ and its various tenses. In passive sentence structure the object is acted on by the verb.
A passive sentence = object — verb — subject
This short story was written by me.
Object = short story
Verb = was written
Subject = me
Short story is not the subject. It did not write itself. I was written by me. To make this sentence active, the structure of the sentence needs to be changed.
An active sentence = subject — verb — object
I wrote this short story.
Subject = I
Verb = wrote
Object = short story
The ball was caught by the dog.
The ball did not do the catching. The author creates a distance by telling us the dog caught the ball.
The dog caught the ball. Now the sentence is active. Instead of being told, the reader sees the dog catch the ball.
The phone was answered by Grace.
Becomes, Grace answered the phone.
The Paint horse in the corral was ridden by me.
Becomes, I rode the Paint horse in the corral.
Was + Gerund
A gerund is a verb acting as a noun, most easily recognized by the use of i-n-g after the verb.
Splashing through the surf, my dog experienced the beach for the first time.
Tom avoided mowing the lawn, because the play-offs were on TV.
While all gerunds end in i-n-g, so do present participles, (verbs which act as modifiers) such as, acting coach, where the word acting modifies the noun, coach.
For me, grammar is a bit confusing, so when I’m trying to tighten my story I search for the combination of was + the i-n-g verb.
Janet was walking across the grass.
To tighten the sentence the sentence and make it active take out the word, was along with the i-n-g and change the verb to simple past tense.
Janet walked across the grass.
I’d probably also change the verb to one more visual to the scene and how Janet is walking. Janet raced across the grass. Janet wandered across the grass.
They were collecting some interesting looks as they walked down the street handcuffed together.
They collected some interesting looks as they walked down the street handcuffed together.
Tommy was jumping on the bed.
Tommy jumped on the bed.
The only time it shouldn’t be changed is if the action is on-going.
Tommy was jumping on the bed when his mother yelled up the stairs.
Passive Verb Tense
It was
It is
There was
There is
Look for these in your writing as they tell the reader what is happening or what they are seeing.
There was a clock on the mantle. The author is telling the reader what was on the mantle. It creates that distance between the writing and the reader. It’s passive.
A clock stood on the mantle.
Now the reader sees what’s on the mantle. They are engaged, the sentence is active.
It was his kiss that started her day the wrong way.
His kiss started her day the wrong way.
Here are some other words that create passive sentences in which the author tells the reader what the character is thinking. I keep them listed on a post-it note stuck to the side of my monitor.
Wondered /Knew /Felt /Thought /Heard /Began to /Saw /Started to
Suddenly /Realized /Decided /Hope
Felt is one of those words in which the use of the word determines whether or not it makes the sentence telling or not.
Her skin felt soft beneath his fingertips. He feels her skin.
Jane felt the best thing to do was to tell the teacher. The author is telling the reader what Jane thinks.
The best thing to do was to tell the teacher. Here the reader is in Jane’s head and knows what Jane thinks.
It began to rain. Telling. The visual is weak.
It rained.
Personally, I don’t like starting my sentences with it. Here I would make the subject of the sentence instead of the verb. Then ask myself, rain did what? Remember to create visuals for the reader.
Rain poured down in giant drops that bounced off the picnic table and pounded the roof of the gazebo.
Take the time to go through your manuscript once more. Looking for places to make your story active, will not only engage your reader, it can put a shine on you piece that signifies your work as professional.
