A View from the Overlook: 5 Tips for Writing Active Descriptions
Have you ever taken a trip through the mountains and stopped at a roadside overlook? The vast expanse of the world below can evoke a sense of peace or a feeling of our own insignificance.
A stroll along the beach at sunset can paint the world in a surreal glow, blending swaths of orange, mauve, gold, and pink across the horizon.
Even a walk in through the summer rain can be a refreshing experience as the drops splat against the leaves and create rings in puddles. The sun might even peak between the clouds creating a rainbow in the distance.
For writers, it’s important to ground the reader in the setting of the story. In order to create a believable world where the reader might go to escape the stress of their daily life, the visuals described on the page are crucial to making the story come alive in the reader’s imagination.
Stories which fail to do this are a main reason for rejection by agents and editors. Even if an author self-publishes, the inability to ground the reader in the story, can be a reason a reader might consider a book boring, not really understanding why they couldn’t get into it.
At the same time readers want the pacing of the story to move, not bogged them down as the author describes the sunset or the view from the overlook. Likewise, an agent or editor might reject the story because there is too much telling and not enough showing.
Now I will mention that couple of points:
1. There are no absolutes with regards to show-don’t-tell. It’s impossible to show everything all the time. There are occasions when a few sentences of telling or a short paragraph here and there, are just as important to keep the story moving.
2. Another thing to keep in mind is understanding what genre you’re writing and what your reader expects on the page. There is a difference between literary fiction and genre fiction with regards to how much description and telling is accepted by those readers. Likewise, sci-fi and fantasy readers have different expectations from a thriller or romance reader.
Remember, telling, or passive writing removes the reader from the immediacy of the story. If you take the reader out of the action for too long there is a risk the reader could lose the emotional thread and put the book down. Consider how you feel when a TV commercial interrupts your favorite movie. How many times can it happen before you become frustrated?
Action is movement. Description is Static.
Readers want the story to move, not waste time as the authors describes houses, rooms, and other characters. In order to describe something in detail, the writer usually stops the action. Yet, without the description the story loses a chunk of meaning.
Consider these tips as you write descriptions in your story.
1. Who is your viewpoint character?
Through which character’s eyes is the reader viewing the scene? Generally, it’s the character who has the most to gain or lose in that scene. Let the reader experience the world of that scene as that character experiences it.
Think about a bar. Is your character:
a. A young boy sent to look for his old man
b. A college girl looking for her friends
c. A detective meeting an informant
How differently might each of these characters perceive the same environment? Be mindful of stepping back from the character’s narrower perceptions and into the narrator’s broad viewpoint of that scene.
2. Use active verbs.
Nature is never still. Active verbs create movement. When writing description, it’s easy to slide into passive writing. Look for the word, The plus a noun at the start of a sentence. Also look for the word was and the word it.
a. The rain continued all day. Becomes, Rain continued all day. Put in a more active verb, Rain poured down all day.
b. Rain was soaking through his denim jacket and shirt. It made him shiver and he jammed his hands into his pockets. Becomes, Rain soaked through his denim jacket and shirt. He shivered. Shoulders hunched; he jammed his hands into his pockets.
3. Offer the reader something new.
Do you write historical fiction, sci-fi, or fantasy? Is your story set in some exotic location? Find those things that are unusual and different. Give that experience to your reader. The desert is more than hot. Winter is more than cold.
4. Use the 5 senses.
a. Touch: What is your character wearing? A hat? Sturdy shoes? A coat? Don’t tell what the character is wearing, show it as he/she reacts to the environment. How might the strength of the sun feel on a bald head? How might rough ground feel beneath sturdy shoes? Sneakers? Sandals?
b. Sound: Are birds chirping? Are children playing nearby? How might a car sound on wet pavement?
c. Smell: How might the air smell when it’s hot? After a rain? If the character was out running, can they smell their own body odor? Though the scene might be ordinary, seek those smells that might be different.
d. Sight: What does your character see? Distant mountains, sky, clouds, vegetation, animals, other characters? Remember to see the world as your character sees it. Notice what they would know.
e. Taste: If your character is walking through the desert, what might a dry mouth taste like? The stale water in a canteen? What about the salty taste of sweat swiped by the tongue at the corner of a character’s mouth?
5. Don’t use mirrors.
There is a trend in fiction, not to spend time describing characters. Readers tend to enjoy forming their own mental picture of what the characters look like. As with descriptions of the physical environment, writers want to give the reader enough physical description to allow the reader to form their own visual of that character. Readers don’t want to be bogged down with long paragraphs of physical details, which they may forget or dismiss anyway as they form their own pictures. Showing you character duck through a doorway could let the reader know that character is tall. A character might notice a second character’s eyes are blue, or that they are left-handed.
Using a mirror for the author to explain to the reader what the viewpoint character looks like can be a turn off. Not only because it tends to drift into the passive, but it can also make your character seem vain. When most people look in the mirror, they see flaws (i.e., a zit, graying hair, ugly nose, receding hairline, age spots), which can be used to show character.
I hope you find these tips helpful. Have fun with your story and the characters who live in that world.
